....weiß nicht was Liebe ist...
I think all I want to achieve in life is normal. I want to live a normal, I want to be normal, I want a normal family, with small house dog, two children, nem man and n jobs. a bourgeois life, a happy family. everything I never had. I never had a happy family. I reveled in the luxury and exceptional. Please do not understand me wrong, this is far from bad, I had all I could do to me, except the one thing I really needed vlt have, love. I wonder if I ever know what love is. love for me I feel alive, at least, nothing. no, just the contrary vlt, hate. disability compared to my hate, hate towards my body. I want to order. gereglte conditions such as mans say.
the moment but I'm going in the opposite direction.
I realize that I sepp the history of time have not yet. and somehow I come slowly to me something ridiculous, because as long as we were not together. however, was the foreplay just already a few months longer.
is clear it not as bad as a few months ago, but how I shall get him out of my head? I would like to see him again. I would like to know if he really did no more feelings for me, because he writes for me in icq actually far too often. I would like to be able to read thoughts. I once told him that I eventually want to ask something he thinks what went wrong is. but I think it does not want to know more, or I think I know it already. he just wanted me in bed with. I know that it is probably not an easy man to have a relationship, but a little understanding I will just already have with me.
what hinnsicht me in the somewhat annoying is that R. (my so called best friend ....) apparently not interested. she never wanted to hear the whole story. and each time when her ego was telling annähnernd I did not really feel that they are interested. it does stop at just as if it were not bad.
oh yes I was on Friday in Oldenburg, the birthday of Deike. that was the first time I had since months back. Strictly speaking, the first time since my last meeting with Sepp ... was bizarre. just run through the city and think every minute two, yes Because we were there and yes we kissed .... but it was about. when I was at Deike wars nich so great. was okay but two comic moments were at it. For instance, I'd also like to Deike described my view of things. for it is nunmal ne common friend of us, but also because I had the feeling as though they were not interested. okay I can live with, even if not I find great, because I know not what Sepp told her. Well then as we went to bed guess, sometimes in whose bed sheets and bedding in whose I slept .... yes, exactly, Sepp. When she got out of the schrnak did that was also back such a small impact in the face. I think so is just bedclothes, but already containing n strange feeling to sleep in, and to think that he has slept in it as the last. she smelled soagr sometimes still after him. wars certainly meant no harm, but maybe something would have been able to think. then she asked me if I still have his address in slovakia wants. (I will not, are you proud of me ???!!!) and then she is on facebook and online comments on what sepp writes. I sit and think to myself just so that is something that he does and writes, but why tell me? they can not see that I want to not know where? I can not act as if nothing had happened between sepp and me and we are just friends again?
oh man .... anything stupid.
driving tonight after I Gehrden. I have to wash, wash in the long run because the washing saloon is a bit expensive, and if you already have any money anyway then it's really stupid when you're too lazy to half an hour in the bus and instead prefer to set for 20 € the washing saloon and since then spends rummsitzt stupid. this is the first time since mid-september that I go there, 'll go back again tomorrow. plus I have to do with the PC, I must get my coat, because in the long run it is a little cold in a thin summer jacket and I have to look after even the little things.
this week was the first in a lecture. Today I go out two to which I still do not. So I have since my absences have also been used. naja angry does not help now. and head in the sand does not stick. I myself just made a list on the things I've written that I'm looking forward. Unfortunately, as yet only three things on it: 1 This weekend in Bremen 2nd next weekend in Mannheim third Mama and Papa come again (never thought that I as looking forward to it .... but it is something a lot easier, also financially. probably not much but something.) I know now something short list. but I'm going to imagine me a few things. can also be little things, such as cinema or something. or a beauty day. something small that lets me get through the day. Punch and Christmas market I can also look forward to more. you have ideas yet?
well I'll make something to eat, and I have three already in the uni. fortunately, only up by 6 deep breath. everything will be fine. no one pulls my head off.
0 comments:
Post a Comment